remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
