i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
