Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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