I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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