Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
