youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
