No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
