I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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