I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
