eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
