Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize