...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
