so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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