I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i came on her dog
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
