you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
