YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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