On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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