i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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