i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
