I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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