i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
