hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
