I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
