Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
