That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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