I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
