I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
