Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
