I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I cut my penus on the lid.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
