his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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