Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Fuck appropriateness.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
