dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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