I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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