Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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