just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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