apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
