fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
