You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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