I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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