Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
