Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
