I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
