I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
