shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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