I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
