Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
