so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
