just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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