i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
