i don't like sucking hair
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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