just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
