Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
