I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I want her autograph on my taint
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
