it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
