Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
