Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
