he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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