I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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