i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
