apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
