She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
