i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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