and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
