Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
