I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's never too late to be topless.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Can I color on your dick again?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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