if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
is that a dick in a sweater?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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