I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
